Being Whole Alone

eagle-57227_1280Many women evolve and embrace their untapped power and potential after they are left alone.  

Wholeness is the concept that we contain all potentials — potentials for any action, thought, or energy (emotion or feeling). While we might not express the potentials, we know that they are within us.  The adjective means comprising the full quantity, amount, extent, number, etc., without diminution or exception; entire, full, or total!

Marriage is the art of two becoming one.  The union is a mystery, and a beautiful thing!  However somewhere in our HIS-tory we lost something in the definition and interpretation of married life.  HIS-story has taught women to relinquish their promises, purpose, power and potential in marriage.

Sadly, we don’t figure this out until this he leaves us alone. . .

Alone and unprepared that’s when we clear the fog and grow up.

So we evolve. . . we ascend above the pain.

We change because we have to, because we need to close the wound and keep living.

Women who are “left alone” remarkably find a depth of strength and resourcefulness that they may never have tapped into with him.

When we start seeking God and his promises, purpose and power for us as individuals our potential transcends our former limitations.

The PROMISES of God and all the laws that govern the universe apply to any individual who believes them. God’s promises are for me too- all by myself .  They are not dependent on my status or my roles, only on me and my belief.

My PURPOSE is hidden in God’s will for me to discover.  He has gifted me, equipped me and even called me for a purpose that it is not limited to my roles of wife and mother.   My existence is not only to help my husband and children achieve and succeed but it is also to realize my own success. I have my own purpose!

My POTENTIAL is far greater than to just live my life as the dependent and beneficiary of other people’s efforts.  I can be a benefactor and leave a legacy. When the joy of married bliss creates complacency it’s easy to forget that there is unique seed of individual greatness inside of us waiting to grow.

The POWER to heal, change, grow and create life lies within each of us women.  HER-story records many women who have been the recipients of God’s promises in and out of marriage.  Hagar became the matriarch of a mighty nation despite her former enslavement, mistreatment and eventual abandonment.

Many women I’ve talked to also share how it was the moment he left that their journey to individuality began.

I was “in that fog.” I’m not man bashing,  I was happy as a housewife and mother.  I love my husband, we have 27 years of marriage and 5 great children!  I would stay at home and raise them without daycare again.  But while I was keeping my home and supporting my husband’s career growth, I forgot to be me to the fullest.  I let go of my own aspirations.  I let my husband take care of me, and he did a fine job.  He provided me with a lovely home, cars, nice clothes, good food, vacations and anything I ever wanted.  

Although we’ve had ups and downs I never imagined my life alone – until – our relationship nearly ended when his “midlife crisis” made him think he might want to live the second half of his life different from the first.  I was broken into thousands of irreparable pieces and my life felt wasted.  I will never be the same, we will never be the same.  Now I am whole. Many tears, therapy sessions, girlfriend talks, bottles of wine, and even more tears later we are still married but that’s a story for another time.  

When the fog of complacency lifted I realized I had NO plan, NO investment in me or my financial future, NO credit, NO power, NO individuality.  I didn’t even know who I was.  I was used up and now I was being discarded!  This was my wake up call.  My journey to wholeness began with this revelation:  “Never again will I build my life on or around another person.  I must be whole, ALONE.   I have my own promises, purpose, power and potential too.” 

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